Long time no see/ advice

well it's been a while since i last posted here
some life updates:
-i got into college! yay me! i'm going to hopefully study art and computer programming to try to get a job in video games
-speaking of which, i'm looking into applying for an internship at a nearby gamedev studio, more on that when i can find the courage to send an email

i realized tonight -after a short bout of feeling entirely inadequate because of comparing myself to others- that it's been close to 5 years (minus some months) since i joined this site and started really getting into digital art and really trying to get myself out there
and i suppose that doesn't really matter except that i started thinking about what i was like back then
i was 13, not good enough to actually commit to doing art but thought waaay too highly of myself, and i always got angry when i saw someone my age -or younger- who was markedly better than i was
unfortunately that part hasn't changed much, except i don't have the confidence to think highly of myself and instead of getting angry i just... well, cry okay
and thinking back on the things i've said and done, i was a real annoying jerk!! 
even today i regret... pretty much everything that came from that era
fortunately, and god i don't know how, i made older friends, we stuck together even when i was -i realize now- this really terrible oblivious kid, 
now, at least in recent months, i've come to really appreciate those people -lookin at you m'rin and rinny! - who stuck with me through that phase who i really looked up to
tonight i realized that hey, i could be one of those people, i realized, wow i don't know what i'd do if people started looking up to me -mess up, that's what-

i guess the best way to start is to dispense some knowledge i've gleaned over these past 4 years and 5 months

1. if you're 13 and just starting out, do your best, experiment, go out of your comfort zone with art or writing or whatever you do, just do AS MUCH as you can, make those characters, join rp groups!! enjoy the freedom you have to experiment right now. later on you'll probably regret some of the things you've done, like i do, but that's okay. you're going to change every year. you'll look back a year from now, look at your art, and say "wow what was i THINKING." and you know what? that's improvement. that's good.
2. if you're looking back to when you were 13, don't think about what you regret, forgive yourself and relish in the comfort you once had with experimenting, the freedom you had. you know what i'll say it again: FORGIVE YOURSELF
everyone should remember that every day you learn new things about the world, some will make you want to cry.... or make you actually cry, but remember every once in a while to look back at how far you've come!

okay this got really rambly and sappy and i'm not even sure if it's comprehensible, peeps may not believe me too, that's fine, you do you guys

you do you